The Onion Buys Bankrupt Info Wars, Alex Jones Seethes

In a move that blurs the lines between satire and reality, The Onion, renowned for its satirical take on current events, has acquired Infowars, the controversial platform founded by conspiracy theorist, and occasional truth teller Alex Jones.

This acquisition, announced on November 14, 2024, follows a bankruptcy auction aimed at compensating the families of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims, to whom Jones owes over $1 billion in defamation judgments for his false claims about the 2012 tragedy.

The Onion’s CEO, Ben Collins, expressed the company’s intention to transform Infowars from a hub of disinformation into a platform for humor and satire. In a press release, Collins stated, “We plan to end Infowars’ relentless barrage of disinformation for the sake of selling supplements and replace it with The Onion’s relentless barrage of humor for good.”

Source: The Onion

Collins wrote that, “All told, the decision to acquire InfoWars was an easy one for the Global Tetrahedron executive board.

Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic “panic” and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the Moon.

Through it all, InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.

No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.

Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites the world over.”

Source: InfoWars.com

The acquisition includes Infowars’ website, social media accounts, studio in Austin, Texas, trademarks, and video archive. While the financial details of the purchase have not been disclosed, The Onion has secured a multi-year advertising deal with Everytown for Gun Safety, a gun violence prevention organization. Everytown plans to use the rebranded platform to raise awareness about gun violence, aligning with The Onion’s satirical approach to serious issues.

Alex Jones, known for his incendiary rhetoric and conspiracy theories, responded to the sale with defiance. In a live broadcast, he announced that his show was being shut down and vowed to challenge the sale and auction process in court. Jones also indicated plans to resume his broadcasts from a new studio using alternative platforms.

The families of the Sandy Hook victims, who have long sought accountability for Jones’ harmful conspiracy theories, view the dissolution of Infowars as a form of justice. Robbie Parker, whose daughter Emilie was killed in the 2012 shooting, stated, “The dissolution of Alex Jones’ assets and the death of Infowars is the justice we have long awaited and fought for.”

The Onion plans to relaunch Infowars in January 2025, transforming it into a humor-oriented site. Collins expressed intent to collaborate with notable figures from The Onion and Clickhole to make Infowars a “very funny, very stupid website.”

Jones Will Rise Again, We’re Sure

Alex Jones was right?! Here are 5 Alex Jones rants that were once thought to be conspiracy theories that are now accepted as true.

1. Epstein and Elite Networks

Jones often talked about powerful elites engaging in illicit activities, including Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged connections to high-profile individuals and his island being a hub for questionable dealings. When Epstein’s crimes were finally exposed, along with his connections to prominent figures, this gave some validation to Jones’ earlier claims of elite misconduct.

2. Government Surveillance

Before Edward Snowden’s revelations in 2013, Jones frequently claimed that the U.S. government was engaging in widespread surveillance of its citizens. Snowden’s leaks confirmed the existence of programs like PRISM, validating concerns about mass data collection.

3. Operation Northwoods

Jones cited historical government plans as evidence of potential false flag operations. Operation Northwoods, a declassified document from the 1960s, detailed U.S. military proposals to stage attacks as a pretext for war with Cuba. While Jones extrapolated further, the document itself proved his general point about the existence of such strategies.

4. The Great Reset and Global Governance

Jones has long discussed efforts by global organizations to reshape economies and centralize power. The World Economic Forum’s “Great Reset” initiative, while focused on sustainability and equity, sparked discussions about potential overreach and global governance, aligning with some of Jones’ themes.

5. Water Contamination and Public Health

Jones famously ranted about chemicals in the water supply, including fluoride, which he linked to various health concerns. While his claims about “turning the frogs gay” were exaggerated and widely mocked, scientific studies have explored how certain contaminants, like atrazine, can disrupt endocrine systems in wildlife.