Why Distress Tolerance And Resonance Matters In Successful Leadership

Dan Goldin, former Administrator of NASA and one of the agency’s longest-serving leaders, recently shared something on LinkedIn that made me stop and think. He wrote, “Most people cannot do hard things because most people have not built distress tolerance.” That insight struck me because it captures something many people experience but struggle to explain. Every workplace expects performance under pressure, yet few people have developed the capacity to stay steady when things get difficult.

I’ve had the opportunity to work with Dan on several boards of advisors, and he consistently shares thoughtful perspectives. This particular post stood out to me because I’ve seen exactly what he described in my work with leaders across industries. People rise until discomfort shows up. Then habits take over. The individuals who can remain grounded and clear in high-pressure situations are the ones others turn to. They may not be the loudest or most visible, but they are often the most effective when it matters most.

What Distress Tolerance Really Means

Distress tolerance is the ability to stay functional in the presence of stress, uncertainty, or discomfort. That includes staying mentally focused, emotionally composed, and physically present when your instincts are telling you to back away. This skill matters because difficult conversations, high-stakes decisions, and fast-moving changes are a regular part of business. And when people do not build the internal capacity to face them, they fall back on habits that may feel safe but are rarely productive.

Distress Tolerance: Why Some People Thrive Under Pressure

What I find interesting is I’ve noticed that people who overreact to small frustrations sometimes perform best in truly high-stress situations. What triggers distress can vary widely, which makes this even more important to understand. As part of my doctoral research, I studied stress tolerance as a component of emotional intelligence. Unsurprisingly, I found that higher performers were better able to tolerate stress.

Research shows that many people struggle with stress in the workplace. The American Psychological Association’s 2023 Work in America Survey found that 57 percent of employees reported experiencing negative impacts due to work-related stress, including emotional exhaustion and burnout symptoms. When leaders and teams lack the ability to stay composed in pressure-filled situations, performance suffers, often in subtle but costly ways. That is why it is so important to understand what distress tolerance actually means and how it shows up in the workplace.

Distress Tolerance: The Cost Of Choosing Comfort Over Growth

Many people have been conditioned to seek comfort. This often means repeating familiar patterns, avoiding friction, or relying on outdated ways of thinking. Over time, comfort becomes closely tied to the status quo. People choose what they know, not because it works, but because it is easier than facing the unknown.

That creates a risk. In avoiding discomfort, people also avoid growth. They stop challenging ideas and settle for decisions that feel safe instead of strategies that create progress. This shows up in meetings where no one questions the direction, in teams that avoid conflict, and in cultures where innovation is talked about more than it is practiced.

Distress tolerance allows people to step out of that cycle. It gives them the space to pause, reflect, and re-engage with clarity instead of shutting down or rushing to resolve discomfort too quickly.

How Distress Tolerance Shows Up At Work

It is important to recognize distress tolerance is built under real pressure, in moments that demand presence and perspective. You do not develop this by talking about stress management. You develop it by staying present when stress shows up.

Here is what the impact looks like:

• Mentally, it means holding focus when circumstances shift or timelines collapse.
• Emotionally, it means listening through tension and staying calm when others are reactive.
• Physically, it means noticing how stress shows up in your body and managing it without letting it take over.

With each difficult moment you face and navigate intentionally, your capacity expands. Over time, the same situations that once felt overwhelming become manageable. That is the kind of confidence that comes from experience, not theory.

The Role Of Self-Awareness And The Power Of Resonance In Distress Tolerance

Self-awareness is the foundation of distress tolerance. You have to recognize when you’re close to your edge and choose how to respond. That moment of choice is what keeps pressure from turning into panic. Without it, stress takes over and decisions become reactive instead of thoughtful.

After Dan Goldin shared his perspective on distress tolerance, someone in the comments described it as resonance. That term has real meaning in leadership research. Psychologist Richard Boyatzis has written extensively about resonant leadership, which focuses on staying emotionally connected to yourself and to others even in high-stress environments.

Resonance creates a sense of steadiness. You can feel it in people who stay calm without being detached. It shows up in leaders who maintain clarity when the room is tense and uncertainty is high. Neuroscience supports this idea as well. Our brains tend to reflect the emotional tone around us. When a leader remains composed, that presence has a stabilizing effect on others.

Where Distress Tolerance Fits Within The Bigger Picture

In leadership conversations, there has been an increasing focus on traits beyond IQ or EQ. It can be challenging to keep up with all the quotients. It might help to learn more about some of them here:

• Curiosity Quotient (CQ): Reflects a person’s drive to explore, ask questions, and challenge assumptions.
• Cultural Quotient (CQ): Reflects a person’s ability to relate and work effectively across cultures.
• Perception Quotient (PQ): A framework from my research that integrates IQ, EQ, curiosity quotient (CQ), and cultural awareness (CQ) to explain how people interpret information and make decisions.
• Adversity Quotient (AQ): Refers to how someone responds to setbacks and pressure.
• Adaptability Quotient (also AQ): A more recent term used to describe how well someone adjusts to change and uncertainty.

How To Build Distress Tolerance Without Burning Out

You do not need a major crisis to build this skill. In fact, the most sustainable way to develop distress tolerance is through repeated, intentional exposure to smaller moments of discomfort. This is similar to what Albert Bandura, one of the most cited psychologists of all time, told me he did in his research with people who feared snakes. He gradually had them move closer over time, building their tolerance until they were eventually comfortable in the snake’s presence.

At work, you might start by:

• Asking a direct question in a meeting when the answer is unclear.
• Receiving feedback without rushing to respond or justify.
• Remaining open during a disagreement instead of trying to win.
• Noticing your body’s stress response and staying with it rather than suppressing it.

Each time you do something that challenges your comfort zone, you build your capacity to stay steady. You start to see discomfort as part of the process rather than something to avoid. And you create a model for others to do the same.

Why Distress Tolerance Matters In The Age Of AI And Constant Change

As technology continues to automate routine work, what remains valuable are the human abilities to think clearly, communicate with empathy, and stay grounded under pressure. These are not skills machines can replicate. They are built through practice, awareness, and the ability to navigate discomfort in real time. In a fast-changing world, people who can manage their own internal response while leading others through complexity will be the ones most equipped to guide real progress.

The Value Of Distress Tolerance

Distress tolerance is what gives leaders the strength to keep functioning clearly when everything else feels unclear. It shows up in how you speak, how you listen, how you choose your next step. Dan Goldin’s reminder could not be timelier. This ability is not something you read about and instantly acquire. It is built through effort, awareness, and a willingness to keep showing up. If more people were willing to stretch their tolerance for discomfort, we would see more progress, better conversations, and stronger leadership everywhere.