Jacob Sartorius’ Journal Entries Inspired Lyrics On His New EP

At 19, Jacob Sartorius has already done his share of growing up. The musician, social influencer and filmmaker is diving deep into the mental health journey that’s accompanied that growth on his second EP, Sleep When I’m Dead, whose song lyrics were culled straight from the pages of his journal.

Tracks on the album, which drops August 3, include Fear of Intimacy, a dark introspection wrapped in a pop aesthetic; Lemonade, which he describes as a metaphor for toxic love and addiction; and the title track, which chronicles his “all or nothing” approach to life that eventually leads to burn out.

“These lyrics came directly from my journal and they are the most accurate documentation of my thought process and how I’m feeling,” he says of the follow-up to last year’s Lost But Found. “I’m excited for people to hear it, and honestly a little nervous for them to hear it but that’s because it’s sharing real experiences.”

The nerves are well-founded. Soon after posting his first Vine at age 11, Sartorius catapulted into teen-idol stardom and evolved from the lip-syncing videos that made him a name to finding his own voice. He immersed in a very public relationship and equally public break-up with Stranger Things star Millie Bobby Brown at 15, lived out loud on social media, and has endured his share of bullying, cancel culture and an escalating bout of depression and anxiety.

“It actually took me having to get to a place where I couldn’t function properly for me to realize it was something I need to put focus into,” he says of his mental health. “When I got to that place where I didn’t want to get out bed, where the people around me were worried for me and I didn’t think there was much ahead for me. That was the moment that was either going to break me for good or it was going to teach me that I don’t want to go back to this place. I needed to find ways to naturally be happy and find resources that will be by my side and not abandon me. Fear of abandonment is a big fear of mine.”

Fortunately, he says, with the support of his family he’d already begun seeing a therapist— he’s still seeing the same one today—to work through his feelings about being adopted.

“What had built up was a lot of stress and pressure, as well a lot of anxiety. I didn’t know how to properly deal with anxiety and a lot of the intrinsic thoughts I was having—and still do to this day, I’m just able to observe them from a different perspective—at the time I thought everything I thought was true,” he says. “It was very frightening for me and sent me into a world of panic and paranoia. I wasn’t able to make decisions and think straight. It really affected a lot of the things I’m able to do much better now.”

A big piece of Sartorius’ healing came through re-evaluating his relationship with social media and his fan base, which today has swelled to 39 million followers across platforms.

“In the beginning I was super submerged into social media. I was updating my life all the time. I think that’s really cool if you’re able to balance it but I wasn’t able to,” he says. “The apps can easily have a negative effect on our mental health but they’re also a great way to share positive stuff. I’ve found ways to limit my use but also to connect. Instead of updating what I was doing all the time, I went back inward, writing in my journal and finding other ways to pinpoint how I’m feeling.”

Of late, much of that sharing has been around Sartorius’ fascination with Dutch athlete and health guru Wim Hof. He became so enthralled with Hof’s guidance on breathing exercises and cold therapy that traveled to Amsterdam to meet Hof, and chronicles the experience in Breathe: The Documentary, which he released last year exclusively on YouTube.

“Something that’s really allowed me to get a new perspective on things is the Wim Hof Method. That’s a natural way I can literally breathe. It’s free to do, and it brings me more peace than I’ve felt in a very long time. I do it every day,” he says.

“I take a cold shower every day, and if I have an opportunity to take an ice bath then I’ll do an ice bath. But at some point, cold exposure. I was on prescription medication for a very long time for my mental health struggles and this is now something I’m using to combat my mental health.”

Sartorius has taken to livestreaming some of his WHM work on Instagram. “For like 15, 20 minutes I’ll go outside and I’ll put on the livestream and we’ll just do some breathing together. It’s just so cool that we don’t have to go do things that might harm our health and instead we can replace those things with things that really open our minds and keep our bodies as healthy as possible.”