Feeling Ghosted At Work? How To Overcome Stonewalling And Build Trust

If you’ve ever brought up an issue at work and been met with silence, or waited for a reply that never came, you may have experienced stonewalling. It’s like ghosting, but in the workplace. Instead of disappearing from a relationship, someone disappears from the conversation. They shut down, stop responding, or avoid the topic altogether. It might initially seem polite or professional, but over time, it creates tension, confusion, and distrust. And while ghosting usually ends all connection, stonewalling keeps the dysfunctional relationship in place without the communication necessary to make it work.

What Does Stonewalling Look Like At Work?

Stonewalling often looks harmless at first. It might be a manager who refuses to acknowledge feedback, a teammate who disappears when deadlines approach, or a leader who changes the subject every time accountability is mentioned. But what feels like a temporary shutdown can become a long-term habit. Over time, this behavior erodes trust, stalls progress, and creates a culture of fear and confusion.

Stonewalling is dangerous because it can take many forms, and most of them look like nothing special. It would be easier to recognize if it involved yelling, slamming doors, or writing critical emails. Instead, it is the meeting that ends without a response to a direct question, the leader who stops making eye contact when challenged, or the notification that a message was read but never answered. Sometimes it is just the silence that follows every uncomfortable conversation.

Here are a few common examples of stonewalling at work:

• A manager who listens to concerns about workload but never responds or follows up
• A coworker who consistently delays replying when conflict is involved
• A team lead who disappears from group chat when expectations are questioned
• A peer who gives you the cold shoulder after being asked for accountability

What makes stonewalling especially harmful is that it creates emotional ambiguity. The person on the receiving end is left wondering: Did I say something wrong? Are they angry? Are they punishing me? It taps into psychological uncertainty, which research shows is more stressful than clear negativity.

Why Stonewalling Hurts More Than People Realize

While it might seem like a conflict-avoidant behavior, stonewalling often causes more harm than direct confrontation. In relationships, psychologist John Gottman identified stonewalling as one of the four most toxic behaviors that predict divorce. In the workplace, it does something similar. It shuts down conversation, blocks resolution, and signals emotional withdrawal.

Stonewalling is especially damaging because it punishes communication without openly acknowledging it. People feel shut out without knowing why. It undermines transparency, diminishes team connection, and over time, it sends a message that questions, feedback, and vulnerability are not welcome.

In a culture that encourages innovation, collaboration, and psychological safety, stonewalling works against every one of those goals by breaking the feedback loop and making people less likely to speak up next time.

How Stonewalling Affects Curiosity, Trust, And Team Health

Stonewalling impacts team dynamics and decision-making. When people stop responding, others stop asking. Curiosity gets replaced and engagement suffers.

Trust takes a hit, too. If you don’t know where you stand with someone, you will stop reaching out. That creates silos, especially in remote or hybrid work environments where silence can easily be mistaken for disinterest, hostility, or burnout.

Teams affected by stonewalling tend to become reactive rather than proactive. Instead of tackling problems early, people avoid them. Instead of communicating openly, they over correct or shut down. Psychological safety disappears because of what is never said.

Why Leaders Must Take Stonewalling Seriously

For leaders, stonewalling should be a red flag. It may be a sign that someone is overwhelmed, emotionally checked out, or using silence as a form of control. None of those options are healthy for team performance.

Ignoring stonewalling allows it to spread. It teaches others that it is okay to go silent when things get hard. That mindset not only damages relationships but also creates a culture of emotional avoidance. And that makes it nearly impossible to navigate the kind of tough conversations every team eventually needs to have.

Leaders who model consistent, open, and timely communication signal that engagement is expected, even when things are uncomfortable. That kind of modeling makes a difference. Teams learn what is acceptable by watching how leaders respond to pressure and disagreement.

How To Respond When You Encounter Stonewalling At Work

If you find yourself on the receiving end of stonewalling, you should address it. You might say, “I’ve noticed we haven’t had a chance to follow up on that conversation,” or “It seems like something shifted after that meeting. Is everything okay?”

Approaching the situation with curiosity rather than accusation keeps the door open. The goal is not to force engagement, but to create a safe opening for it to happen.

It also helps to document conversations. If follow-up isn’t happening, sending a note that recaps what was discussed can invite a response.

If you’re in a leadership role and notice stonewalling on your team, it can be helpful to step in. Encourage direct communication, set clear expectations for response times, and make it clear that withholding communication is a negative act.

Why Stonewalling At Work Matters

Stonewalling is a form of emotional shutdown that sends a powerful message, one that can damage trust, kill curiosity, and hurt workplace culture. While it might appear subtle, its impact is anything but. Teams thrive when communication is honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. And the best workplaces are the ones that face it with clarity and courage. Addressing stonewalling begins with recognizing it for what it is: a signal that something needs attention. Whether it’s fear, stress, or discomfort driving the behavior, silence should never be the last word.