Craving Friends At Work And How To Bring Back Belonging

Work used to be a primary place to make friends and develop relationships—but this may all be changing. There is a serious crisis of connection today, and it’s having an effect on everything from employee happiness and wellbeing to organizational attraction and retention.

Research shows people lack friends, and they are struggling with feelings of social isolation and depression. People are missing the opportunity to build relationships at work—to an extreme level. But there are constructive actions individuals can take—and actions companies can take as well—to create and renew connections at work.

What It Means to Be Connected

Feeling connected at work is a factor of both quality and quantity of relationships—and anecdotally, many people have indicated both the quantity and the quality of their relationships has been in decline. A study by BetterUp, found people need to have relationships with five friendly colleagues at work to feel connected, and they require seven to really feel they belong.

What does it mean to belong? Research on relationships published in by Emotion indicates people feel more trusting, more fully able to express themselves, more satisfaction and more likelihood to maintain the relationship when certain characteristics are true. In particular, they need relationships where they feel understanding, validation and responsiveness. The implication: To do their best work, people need to have colleagues who get them and appreciate what they bring to the table—and they need the sense that leaders and co-workers will take action to support them in their work and their future growth.

Craving More

The current state of friendships at work is sobering. According to the BetterUp study, only 31% of people are satisfied with the amount of social connection they have at work, and 43% don’t feel a sense of connection with co-workers. In addition, 38% say they don’t trust their co-workers, and 22% don’t have even one friend at work.

Of course, people need to choose how much intimacy they want with co-workers. Today, 39% of people say they feel close to people at work, while 50% say they consider themselves to have friendly relationships, but not friends. And 11% say their relationships are strictly professional, lacking a personal dimension.

People may have different preferences, but fully 50% of employees want more—desiring greater social connections at work. In fact, people say they crave connections at work so much, they are willing to make tradeoffs to get it. They report they would give up career advancement and even up to 6% of salary to have stronger ties with colleagues.

Big Payoffs

But are connections really such a big deal? The BetterUp research says yes. When people were more connected, they reported the following benefits:

• 91% more personal growth
• 101% more professional growth

Friends can provide feedback and coaching, and they are those from whom you can learn. In addition, they will share information about new opportunities and encourage you to reach for new levels of career growth.

Employers also benefit when employees have stronger connections at work. In fact, when they do, organizations tend to have 32% higher overall ratings on Glassdoor, as well as 14 times more likelihood to be a top place to work. They also benefit from a 25% greater likelihood of employees saying they would recommend the company to a friend. In times of low unemployment and challenges with attraction and retention, these kinds of returns are significant.

Big Costs

The impact on people when they weren’t connected with others was also telling. According to the BetterUp study, they suffered:

• 128% more loneliness
• 107% more anxiety
• 78% more burnout
• 49% more stress

Friends act as social support and their empathy, encouragement and validation have the effect of mitigating negative experiences—so when they’re not present wellbeing suffers.

And when organizations fail to bring people together, they suffer the consequences as well. In particular, when employees have few friends at work, they report a 71% stronger intention to quit, and when they lack a sense of belonging they report a 176% greater likelihood of seeking another job outside the company.

Why Work Is the Place to Connect

Work is a great place to make friends. A study by YouGov found 75% of people make their friends through work, and there are good reasons for this. When you work with others, you get to know them over time and in multiple situations—seeing them in the heat of an intense project or grabbing a casual lunch in the work café.

In addition, work gives you the opportunity to develop a foundation of both task trust—follow through and follow up on responsibilities—and relationship trust where you share a confidence and experience a trustworthy listening ear.

In addition, common interests are one of the primary sources of friendship, according to a study at Wellesley College, and work also gives you a natural avenue to come together with shared passions. You may work in the finance team together and share ideas about personal investing or work together in marketing and exchange thoughts about how you’re building your personal brands on social media.

Bring Back Belonging – You

At a personal level, you can take action to make and maintain friendships by investing time with colleagues. Invite teammates for coffee, and schedule one-on-ones where you can keep in touch. Start a book group or a cycling club for those with common interests. In addition, volunteer to help a co-worker who may need a ride to work or who may need assistance with a hot project.

A study at the University of North Carolina found when people express gratitude and laugh together, these also build relationships—so regularly let your co-workers know you appreciate them and keep things light as you’re working in tandem. All of these actions demonstrate your interest, engagement and concern for the relationship—building connections over time.

When you make the effort to connect more, it pays off. The BetterUp study showed those who cultivated friendships not only had more positive relationships, but they also had 36% greater life satisfaction and 27% more job satisfaction. And they had a 34% improvement in reaching their goals. With a greater sense of belonging, people experienced 24% greater resilience and 36% greater well-being.

Bring Back Belonging – The Company

In addition to people who take action to build relationships, organizations can also be intentional about creating the conditions for employees to gain a sense of belonging. Unfortunately, 43% of employees say their organization isn’t doing enough to help them feel connected to their colleagues—but there’s a lot an organization can do.

For example, they can provide opportunities for employees to work on tasks with new people and departments—building bridges across teams, and they can create formal avenues for mentoring to occur.

Companies can also organize affinity groups for those with common interests or challenges, and they can plan events in which people can come together to volunteer, listen to a concert over the lunch-hour or participate in an onsite pet adoption event.

In Sum

People are experiencing declining social wellbeing, but work can be an important place to reconnect and rejuvenate based on developing friendships, belonging, trust and community. It requires effort and intentionality—but it’s certainly worth it for people and organizations. This crisis demands attention.