Conversations That Work

Whatever the age of the person you’re caring for, you’ll want your communications to be effective. These guidelines will boost your skills and make your conversations successful.

Know that constructive communications require an investment in time and planning. You might think, “I don’t have time for this!” But if you look at how much time you’re currently spending being frustrated and upset with minimal results, you might be open to a different approach.

Positive Body Language

If you begin a conversation appearing tense—hands balled into fists or leaning in aggressively—you’ll set the stage for a negative exchange. Fidgeting or drumming your fingers on the table signals discomfort. Smiling or having a neutral, engaged expression creates a more positive environment.

Try practicing in front of a mirror. Then ask yourself how the person on the receiving end will receive your message. Try to present a demeanor that will make them feel more open to you.

Location Matters

If the kitchen table is usually a happy place, then it’s a good location to hold a serious conversation. If it’s been a site for disagreements, then opt for a place that’s not overshadowed by negative memories.

If you’re dealing with someone who tends to lose control, meet in a public place. Restaurants, for example, tend to keep people in control of their emotions.

If you’re at a facility, find a private space that’s warm and comfortable. The person’s room might remind them of their lack of independence.

Make a Plan

Planning what you’ll say helps! Prepare a script, thinking about why the other person reacts as they do. They might feel a loss of power, that you’re not listening to them, or that there are no solutions. Your opening words must address their concerns. For example, if your dad feels he’s lost his independence, address this immediately:

• Dad, I agree with you that when you leave the hospital you should return home. But your physician is concerned about your living alone. How do you think we could address their concerns about your safety? Why don’t we work together on a plan that supports staying in your house and in control of your life?

You’ve stated that you agree with your father’s wish to return to his home. You’re putting him in control of the situation by asking his advice.

Adolescents similarly want to feel empowered and independent. Don’t present them with a solution; make them part of the problem-solving process. You can do this even with young children, which begins to teach them how to analyze issues and find solutions.

Having the Conversation

Try these tips to make the most of the discussion:

• Make sure you won’t be interrupted.
• Keep quiet at times. The other person will often begin talking to fill the silence.
• Look directly at the other person. Focus on them and nothing else.
• If they escalate, stay calm, seated, and focused on them. Let them vent.
• Put a time limit on the solution, say three weeks. When things are open ended, people can feel defeated. Time limits often make agreement easier.
• Summarize what you agreed on so that everyone understands the plan.

Give It a Try!

Let me know how your conversation went.