Amanda Knox Opens Up About The Mindset That Helped Her Survive Prison

Grace Van Patten and Amanda Knox talked throughout the filming of Hulu’s ‘The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox.’

Photo Courtesy of Disney

Amanda Knox’s story has been told over the years in sensational news articles, books, and documentaries. Now, she’s taken control of the narrative in Hulu’s The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox, which premiered on August 20 and runs until October 1.

The American college student served four years of a 26-year sentence alongside her Italian boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito, after they were wrongfully convicted of the brutal murder of her British roommate, Meredith Kercher, in Perugia, Italy, on November 1, 2007.

In 2015, both were exonerated by Italy’s Supreme Court. Now, a decade later, Knox is an executive producer of the eight-episode limited series created by K.J. Steinberg (This Is Us) and based on Knox’s New York Times bestseller, Waiting to Be Heard: A Memoir. Also serving as executive producers are Monica Lewinsky and Warren Littlefield (The Handmaid’s Tale).

When asked how she survived the trauma of those years fighting against a corrupt Italian legal system, Knox explained that she did a lot of soul searching, held onto her faith, and leaned on her family.

She paused briefly when asked if it was religion or spirituality that pulled her through. “That’s a really big question,” she began, explaining that she wasn’t a spiritual person at the time.

“I’m now a big practitioner of Zen meditation. It’s my spiritual practice, and it’s been very helpful in processing the trauma. In the midst of all of that drama, I didn’t have any kind of religious or spiritual practice. I think the thing that really solidified my survival was the fact that I knew that I was loved. No part of me ever felt like I deserved this horrible thing that was happening to me or that I was alone.”

Throughout the entirety of our Zoom interview, Knox remained incredibly poised; she possesses the wisdom of a person who has been to hell and back, yet when you speak with her, you sense that she doesn’t hold onto any anger or resentment. She was an open book, fully willing to answer any questions with a calm clarity that’s not easily found in a world divided by a right-versus-left political landscape and a society that unfortunately seems unwilling to hear opposing viewpoints, or forgive anyone who doesn’t see the world in the same way.

The truth about Kercher’s murder eventually came out, and Rudy Guede was convicted and received a 30-year prison sentence in October 2008, though that sentence was reduced on appeal before he was released early for good behavior in 2021. Guede will be back in court this fall, facing sexual assault and violence charges from a former girlfriend.

Since her exoneration, Knox has become a respected author of three books, a journalist, activist, and podcaster. She also served as a guiding force for Grace Van Patten, who portrays her in the series.

In a separate interview, Van Patten said that she and Knox spoke daily before and during filming. She described Knox as an incredibly forgiving person. I had to ask Knox where this ability comes from, especially towards those who wronged her.

“A lot of people pinpoint that, and it’s funny because I did not set out to forgive anyone. I didn’t have a spiritual path that was telling me that forgiveness is important. And I certainly was not getting any feedback from my family. No one was telling me to forgive them.”

She describes herself as a “deeply curious” person. “I want to understand people, and I have found that in my journey, in my quest to understand the people who harmed me, that the inevitable consequence of curiosity is compassion. If you’re feeling compassion for someone, you inevitably feel compelled to forgive them because they can’t help being the people that they are. When I look at my prosecutor and his history and his context and his bias, all of those things informed us of his decision to do something harmful to me. At the time, he truly believed that he was the hero of his own story, and he was doing the right thing. It’s hard for me to hate someone who is not intentional in the harm.”

Knox wrote letters to her family every single day that she was in prison. “I ended every single letter with a phrase that I learned from an Italian rap song that means, ‘I know that I’m not alone even when I’m alone.’ The reassurance that there is someone out there who knew who I was and who loved me, despite everything, gave me an emotional and psychological safety net to fall back on, even in those moments of deepest despair,” confided Knox. “If I had to credit any one thing to my survival, I’d have to say the unconditional love of my parents, in particular my mom.”

She describes her ability to forgive as instinctual, not purposeful or planned. “It’s a different thing when someone is intentionally vicious and knowingly malicious. I think one thing that my family would push back on me is they would say, ‘Well, how could he not have known?’ He was intentionally blinding himself to the harm that he was causing people, and I feel like even that is ultimately relatable because, in big and small ways, aren’t we all guilty of digging in our heels and becoming defensive and, you know, not doing the right thing because it’s hard? These are all human mistakes. They aren’t the mistakes of a monster. And so, because of that, and because of my deep desire to understand, forgiveness ends up arising, but it certainly was not my intention.”

Knox now helps people in similar circumstances who are accused of doing things they’re innocent of. “I spent an hour this morning talking to somebody who feels attacked, misunderstood, and trapped by a narrative that’s being created around them. A lot of people reach out to me about this kind of issue. The biggest piece of advice that I could give is not to take it personally. I know that sounds crazy because when people go after you, it feels very personal. It felt very personal when I was standing up in front of a courtroom and they were calling me a slut and a psychopath, and they sent me back to prison. It’s very personal. At the same time, it’s not because the idea of you that a person has is a product of their own construction. You are not necessarily responsible at all for other people’s perceptions of you, and very often those perceptions say more about the person who made them up than it does you.”

She doesn’t deny that the opinions of others matter. “One thing I have learned in order not to feel trapped by the narratives that people construct around me is that I try not to fixate on any specific kind of outcome that I’m hoping for. Instead, I try to imagine how any possible outcome is an opportunity for me. Instead of feeling trapped or restricted by what other people think, how am I motivated? How am I propelled forward? And how can I continue to manifest who I am in a very real way, even when, for instance, I’m trapped behind a concrete, steel-barred door and I can’t escape. How do I continue to manifest who I am, given the opportunities that I have within these limitations?”

This mindset, she adds, has helped her. “If you’re grasping at having a different reality than the one that you have, you’re inevitably going to feel frustrated and stymied. But if you can accept your reality, you can become an effective agent. You can actually make choices within the parameters that are available to you, that are still meaningful and true to who you are as a person.”

In closing, we discussed whether she feels she was chosen to go through this experience to help others. “It does feel that way now, doesn’t it?”