5 Meaningful Ways To Say Goodbye To A Colleague

The news is full of headlines about layoffs, downsizing and companies reducing headcount. With the great resignation, employees have been moving on from roles at unprecedented rates, and saying goodbye to colleagues has become a regular occurrence. But its prevalence doesn’t make it easy—especially when people leave because of layoffs.

Perhaps saying goodbye should be automatic, but with the emotions that come along with layoff, it’s worth intentional thought and conscious effort to make it meaningful. In addition, people have fundamental needs for things like belonging and control, and your responses can help address some of the bigger things that go on beneath the surface.

So Many Layoffs

Layoffs are prevalent and they seem to be dominating the news lately. But beyond the significant emotional costs of layoff, mass layoffs are actually defined in numerical terms—as 50 employees laid off within 30 days equaling more than 1/3 of a company’s workforce, or as 500 or more employees laid off within 30 days no matter what an organization’s size.

And layoffs are affecting multiple industries. From Twitter laying off 50%, Snapchat laying off 20% and Meta laying off 13% of their workforce—to Peloton laying off 12%, Zillow laying off 5% and Lyft laying off 2%.

Saying Goodbye

With so many people affected, how can you say goodbye to colleagues, coworkers and friends in a meaningful way?

Reach Out

It might be tough because you’re not sure what to say, but reach out to your colleague as soon as you can. Even if they’re not ready to talk, they’ll appreciate knowing you’re thinking of them and that you’re there when they want to engage. People have fundamental needs for connection and belonging, so they’ll appreciate knowing you’re thinking of them and there for them.

Make it About Them

Also be sure your discussions with your coworkers are about them. You may have survivor guilt, or you may be angry or confused by layoffs, but don’t make your discussion with your friend about you. Talk about your frustration briefly—it can be validating for them to know someone else shares their disappointment—but then listen and be present for their reactions. A little bit of emotional echoing (mirroring their experiences) is helpful, but even better is being present for them to vent, brainstorm and express their own feelings. People want to be heard and known, so take their lead on how much they want to talk and what they want to talk about—whether it’s the organization, the process or their next steps.

In an authentic way, remind them of all that you appreciate about them and how much you value their talents, skills and contributions. For many people, their job provides a sense of status and identity, so when you reinforce the ways you see their value and their significance, you contribute to addressing these needs.

Talk about things beyond work as well—their family, their volunteering or their hobbies. People tend to be more fulfilled when they have dimensionality—a variety of sources for their meaning and identity—so when you reinforce their importance as a parent or as a board member for the local charity or as a server at the soup kitchen, those reminders help as well.

And to work through your own feelings, find another person—perhaps a family member or close friend who can be supportive—and who isn’t going through layoff themselves.

Gather with Creativity

When a coworker leaves, it’s especially powerful to gather a small group of friends together and mark their departure. Arrange a call or an in-person event where you can celebrate the person and reinforce their contribution and your relationship with them.

When you get together, consider doing something creative for them. Set up a scenario where you’re sending them on a journey and each person shares what they’ll pack for the person. Or ask people to come to the event with an example of the next career the person could do brilliantly and have them describe that ideal role. Or have each person bring a small found object which represents the relationship, or something that’s important to your friend.

Invest in the goodbye and demonstrate that you know the person’s skills, talents and unique personality. All of this is meaningful because it gives your coworker a sense of belonging and unity when they need it most.

Take Action

Another significant thing you can do is take real action to support a friend who has been laid off. Losing a job is especially tough because of the loss of control and the ambiguity that come with it. People generally shy away from uncertainty and want to know what’s coming next. When you take supportive action, it can be helpful in restoring some control and predictability in next steps.

Offer to write a recommendation on LinkedIn or be a reference when they need one. Introduce them to others in your network. Keep your eye out for jobs which may be emerging, and which may not have been advertised yet. They’ll need safe haven support where you just listen and understand, but when they’re ready to move forward, they’ll appreciate your pragmatic action which in turn empowers them with support for what comes next.

Stay in Touch

Stay in touch and be intentional about reaching out over time. When you work with someone, the relationship is easier to maintain because you see each other regularly and have built-in ways to connect and keep up to date. When your coworker leaves their role, you’ll want to continue the friendship by reaching out, setting up calls or coffee and checking in. These will require more effort, but it will be worth it.

Don’t let the confines of a job or company define your relationship. Keep in touch no matter where you’re each working.

Moving Forward

The process of going through job loss is rarely linear. Your colleague may feel frustrated and then immediately want to build their resume—and then sink into the doldrums. Be attentive if you think a friend is struggling significantly and connect them with professional resources as necessary. But overall, be there for the fits and starts of the process. They are natural. When you can be there for the ebbs and the flows and all the parts of the journey, it will go a long way for them.

Being there will also contribute to your own fulfillment since connecting with others and helping others are important ways you feel satisfaction and joy. People all have an instinct to matter, and how you support colleagues matters a lot.