How To Claim Your Confidence And Own Your Stage With Lydia Fenet

Lydia Fenet is one of the world’s most accomplished and sought-after auctioneers. Fenet’s engaging, eloquent, and lighthearted auctioneer style has captivated her audience and raised over a billion dollars for nonprofits globally on behalf of organizations such as Christie’s, Louis Vuitton, Elton John AIDS Foundation, Broad Arrow, and UNICEF. Her talent for capturing her audience brought her on the stage with some of the biggest stars, like Elton John, Martha Stewart, and Seth Meyers.

In her new book, Claim Your Confidence, Lydia discusses her confidence journey and looks to inspire, motivate, and give others a road map to help them find their way. Through relatable stories of big and small challenges, Lydia demonstrates that confidence isn’t something we are born with; instead, it is something that we learn by pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone and facing fears head-on. Her goal is to embolden women to embrace their confidence and successes and keep trying no matter what obstacles they face – how to persist when all you want to do is give up and harness the overwhelming power of positivity.

Chan: Why did you want to write this book?

Fenet: Whenever I am on my tour with my last book, “The Most Powerful Woman in the Room Is You,” women in the audience always ask how they can gain more confidence. During the pandemic, I was doing much virtual speaking; it was omnipresent that the topic of confidence was on many women’s minds. As a writer, I can see the white space, which quickly became evident. Many women lost their faith, job, and financial security during the pandemic and didn’t know how to regain their confidence; I felt there was room to write this book.

Chan: What does a confident woman look like to you?

Fenet: Someone who is entirely internally comfortable with who they are. It’s an internal self, not an external view of who you are. The person who strides into the room and the person looks like they are having a great time. There’s nothing more confident than that. Some can do a good job faking it, but confidence comes from within. There are days that you would feel less confident, but it’s easy to get back to it if you are who you are.

Chan: Can you be overconfident?

Fenet: Confidence is a bit of a puzzle to women. We often question ourselves, what if we are overconfident? As a woman, you want to be confident and are told to be confident. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you feel and like who you are and want to be.

Chan: How do you distinguish between confident self-expression and tacky self-promotion?

Fenet: Many of our self-doubts comes from other people and other people’s perception of us. Two people can look at the same photograph and have entirely different views.

Ultimately, it always has to come to your mind, what does perfect look like for you? What you perceive to be great, tacky or not, it’s entirely different for someone else.

Stay true to yourself, and do not let outside forces dictate you. I came from the South – what I thought was normal in Louisiana seemed utterly different when I lived in Connecticut.

It all depends on who is looking at it and the lens through which they are looking at. You will not be concerned if you are confident in who you are.

If you are truly doing what’s authentic for you, people who don’t want to look at it, then they don’t have to see it.

Chan: Why is imposter syndrome mainly an issue with women?

Fenet: Many of us were taught early what other people think of us. We were instructed to be quiet, non-disruptive, and not to challenge the status quo. All of those things fed into a belief that you shouldn’t be in the room when we translated it into the workplace, and if you are in the room, you are the person getting coffee or taking notes; you are not the person that should be making the point.

People without fear don’t feel imposter syndrome, and I learn that much is in my head. In my book, I discussed ways to eliminate the imposter syndrome with “SLAM.”

S – Stop counting yourself out.

L – Listen to what people are saying. Some people would completely spiral out on a comment when that was not the meaning or intention.

A – Accept that there’s no gold star in life. Don’t look for other people to give you a gold star for doing your job. The workplace isn’t kindergarten.

M – Make your point, and don’t back down. If you know you are right, don’t let others talk you out of it. You are the expert, and having those wins feels incredible.

Chan: You are amazing on stage. What are some of your tips?

Fenet: I love being on stage; the most crucial part of owning the stage is to get on stage as much as possible. I never say no to an opportunity and have been doing this for 20 years. To command the stage, first and foremost, you want to make your presence known. So, walk out there in a big way, with a bright smile and big hand gestures. It’s your Beyoncé moment. Be enthusiastic; you must be the most excited person in the audience. It’s really about making people watch you but understands that you need to deliver something interesting once you have their attention. You can’t be someone up there hiding in your own shadow. If someone is having fun on stage, the audience wants to watch, and if someone looks like they are having a painful time up there, the audience will look away. Practice makes perfect; the audience wants you to succeed.

Chan: You are infectious with your positivity. What is your secret?

Fenet: People underestimate the importance of positivity in life. I also have down days but always choose to make things positive.

You can choose to either be angry and negative or look at the bright side in a nightmare situation. You can choose to be negative and ruin everyone’s mood around you, or you can choose to be positive. Remember, your action affects everyone around you; this world isn’t just about you.

I think of one of my favorite expressions, “If you have one argument in a day, its 50-50, if you have more than one you should look in a mirror.”

Chan: There’s a chapter on “Never Give Up” in your book. What are your thoughts on perseverance in today’s world of instant gratification?

Fenet: Not giving up doesn’t mean you go against the brick wall. There has to be tenacity in life; otherwise, you will never finish anything. It’s understood that there’s time to pivot, and there’s time to stick to it.

You must keep pushing forward and creating action; ultimately, you will see the results. When I pivoted and started my masterclasses, it was the catalyst for so many things down the path. It led to speaking engagements and having my podcasts.

Chan: You are a networking pro; what are some of your tips?

Fenet: First and foremost – networking occurs not only in the ballroom but everywhere, especially in airports. Everyone knows someone, so open the conversation and learn about people at every opportunity during the day. The more people know what you are doing, the more potential job offers you will get and the more potential press articles you will have. All those things happen because you tell people what you do on your journey, and they might just come along for the ride.

Chan: Do you have any pearls of wisdom to pass on?

Fenet: Stop looking around for someone else’s opinion about how you should live your life. Don’t listen to other people. Go after your life, live the life you want, and be honest with yourself, and if things aren’t going your way, then change them.

So often, I see people sitting down one path and can’t make any changes; life is short, be ready to change and be open to changing and evolving. You will be successful if you continue doing the things you love for the rest of your life. Stay true to that.