Tools For Working Well With Others

Whether you’re a c-suite leader or a first-time manager, your ability to relate to those around you is a skill you can constantly be improving. Not everyone you work with in your career will immediately click with you, so I’ve put together a few techniques to deploy whenever things aren’t quite seamless. Although these prove most valuable in uncomfortable situations, I challenge you to utilize them when all is well, too. Every interaction is an opportunity to improve your relational skills.

Beware of projection. Projection is when we interact with others in a way that assumes they are the same as us—that we share a worldview and do things the same way. Since everyone is unique, this is an unrealistic way to approach life. And yet, we all do it every day whether we mean to or not.

Here’s an example of how projection might be an issue. Say you are discussing next steps on a project with a coworker and disagree on how to proceed. You may find yourself thinking, “If they would just do this my way, things wouldn’t be so difficult.” This projection leads to a closed-minded approach. Your coworker’s method might well be the best way forward, but because you are superimposing your ideas onto them, you’re closed off to this new possibility.

Takeaway Tool: Stay conscious of others’ realities. Pause often to try to see things from the perspective of those around you. Be open to completely new ways of doing things.

Meet others where they are. Is there a common problem you run into when working with others? For example, perhaps you constantly feel like your teammates are lagging. You think, “They are taking forever. Everyone needs to pick up the pace!” It’s important to consider that you might work at a faster pace and that others need more time.

By expecting others to “keep up,” you are projecting your way of working onto them. The truth is that people accomplish tasks in vastly different ways, and you must meet your peers where they are to identify a solution that works for everyone. Expecting the world to live up to your personal standards will only result in disappointment, while collaborating to harness everyone’s unique strengths will create a stronger team and better results in the long term.

Takeaway Tool: When faced with an interpersonal frustration, ask yourself if your expectations are realistic. Are you considering others’ needs or simply expecting them to uphold your standards?

Take a proactive approach. I love to get ahead of things rather than be blindsided in the moment. In my decades-long career working with others in an array of settings, I’ve learned a lot of things about myself. I’m a no-nonsense communicator and quick to make decisions, just to name a couple of my character traits. I consider these strengths, but often my communication style can be seen as insensitive, and my fast-paced nature can be perceived as impatience.

Since these tendencies have the potential to rub people the wrong way, I like to let those I’m working with know about them upfront. And I don’t mean by making a quick self-deprecating comment. Clearly communicating your way of doing things is beneficial for everyone.

By understanding your tendencies ahead of time, others will know what to expect. Being this honest and vulnerable gives others permission to openly communicate with you about your propensities, keeping you out of the self-deception zone. In addition, addressing the imperfect parts shows your humanness, a trait that can sometimes be stifled in the corporate world.

Takeaway Tool: Your actions can affect others whether it is intended or not. Learn your strengths and weaknesses inside and out, and don’t hesitate to communicate them openly.

The root of these three tools is unyielding honesty about yourself and others. One of the most dangerous places for a leader to be is in a comfortable bubble of self-deception. It’s difficult to stare down your flaws, much less analyze them and correct your actions. But I will tell you from experience— it is necessary for both personal and professional growth. Be vigilant in everyday situations, correct your actions when necessary, and watch your relationships improve!